Not Just a Widow

I have sat down to write out my story so many times, knowing that I need to share this, but being stopped because, well, who would really be interested in reading it. I am just stepping out in faith right now and I know that if my testimony touches just one person, that the Lord had me write it for them, and that is wonderful. I have a love for telling stories and making a short story long, so I am going to use what the Lord has gifted in me and just start talking. I pray that you feel welcome, and you gain some encouragement from my life and truly understand that God loves you just as much as he does me and will be there for you too. I will do segments to my story, as I have read that a blog should not be a novel, (mildly chuckles) so, Here goes:

Part One:

Death where is you sting? Inside my heart actually. If you know the Word of God, you know that Jesus died, once and for all, conquered death and became our final sacrifice, never again to have to make our own way. For those who know him as Lord of their lives, Jesus promises that we will see our loved ones who have "gone on before", but I can promise you, that does not mean that there is not excruciating pain in the meantime.

For me it happened four and half years ago, the final day of our marriage, the final day of our life together, the final time that we would dream together and make plans for our future. The final time that our youngest daughter got to hug her daddy before she went to bed, and just hours before had taken the final picture that we would ever take together. I look back at that picture and think, wow, how like my loving Heavenly Father to prompt my youngest to take that picture, even our cat was in it, a moment to cherish. Then, before walked out the door on his way to work for the las time, I held on to him, not wanting to let go and not knowing why, I received my last hug and kiss.

He didn’t take a lot of pictures of himself so the last picture we would take of us an our friends at our last gathering. I just realized something, we didn't usually take pictures of our get together with our friends, huh. I am thankful for our lasts – that week we celebrated our last wedding anniversary, 28 years, and though we had our problems, our shortcomings, things we didn’t like to see in each other, we had lots of love. There have been several people tell me that they loved watching us together, they knew, by the way we held on to each other, that we were truly in love. This has been a blessing to me, because if you have lost a loved one suddenly you know that you start going over all of the things that you did that were "wrong". You remember all your shortcomings, failures, and mistakes, wishing you could just talk to them one more time, apologize or get confirmation that you were not as horrible as you feel at that moment.

There were several times in our marriage that we discussed what the other one would do in case of death, finances, children, who would help, and remarriage. Bill told me that I could morn him, for at least a month, then I needed to move on because “someone needs to have you for their wife.” Well, I guess that comment answers my question about whether he thought I was a good wife or not. I had a dream 2 months before he died, there was a man standing next to me (a man who Bill had asked the year before if he would help me figure out finances if he died) I was sitting in a chair and the man had his hand on my shoulder. Infront of us there was a cloud, I couldn't see anything, but I was crying but I felt safe because of the man who was going to help me. I relayed that dream to Bill, expecting he would tease me about trying to get rid of him, but he turned to me, and very sternly said, "Darcy, you have got to promise me that you will listen to him if something happens to me." I started bawling and said that we were not going to talk about this anymore. As my youngest and I have looked back over those two last months, we have come to realize that it was then that he stopped talking about our dreams.

None of us know what the tomorrow holds, we can plan and schedule and create time for things, however that does not guarantee that we will get to carry out those plans. If there is any doubt in your mind if you would spend eternity with the Lord, please reach out to me. But, if you are not ready, hear that it is simple, and it does not require working for it, all that is required is you, admitting you are a sinner, believe that Jesus died for you, and Confess Him as the Lord of your life, that is it. Reach up to the Lord, He will meet you where you are, no matter where that is. He loves you, sees you and knows exactly what you need and is longing to show you HIS plan that He wrote for you even before you were born.